10/01-Don't worry! I'm not about to compose a piece filled with rude noises and such, (actually if I had more time, I might do JUST THAT!), but I am feeling badly for my poor rectum which will be removed this Thurs in surgery. I hope it knows that's it's demise is not at all due to any failure on its part. Infact it has served faithfully lo these 66 years,well beyond the "call of duty," and deserves only gratitude. Needless to say I will miss it!
So surgery is this Thurs. 7:30 a.m. at aUCSF Mt. Parnassus campus and I guess I'm as ready as one can be in this situation. My brother will be with me for the whole stay in the hospital (from 4-6 days) and then through recovery back down in S.C. My wonderful sister-in-law Susan Nelson, will be holding down the fort for Toby and Jade down in S.C. for the hospital stay, so I'm feeling very well-supported. Susan will try to update the blog while I'm in the hospital so you all can get some news.
I look forward to my return to S.C. and to blogging. Cheers, Ivan
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
"Surgery Imminent"
9/17-21st
So in last week's installment, our hero was "saved" from an inappropriate(according to the UCSF study) chemo session at the last minute and began to wrap his head around the reality of an earlier surgery. After a sleepless night of "how come my shrinkage was less than 90% of the other study patients(always competitive, nicht wahr?), -this does not bode well?- this sucks- I'm a goner, etc. etc.," I finally came to my senses (with a little help from Drs. and nurses) that my failure to make the study cut-off figure was just THAT-no more nor less and said nothing about my prognosis. So the rest of the week was spent happily playing music with my visiting saintly brother Michael (who will be with me as long as I need him)and friends Anne Lober and George Timson.
My poor S.F. surgeon Dr. Varma, is madly scurrying around trying to find operating room privileges in the Mt. Parnassus campus of UCSF since the Mt. Zion campus where she operates is fully booked to the end of Oct. We temporarily have an Oct. 2nd date that hopefully will be confirmed Sept. 25th. That's all for now! Stay tuned! Cheers, IR
So in last week's installment, our hero was "saved" from an inappropriate(according to the UCSF study) chemo session at the last minute and began to wrap his head around the reality of an earlier surgery. After a sleepless night of "how come my shrinkage was less than 90% of the other study patients(always competitive, nicht wahr?), -this does not bode well?- this sucks- I'm a goner, etc. etc.," I finally came to my senses (with a little help from Drs. and nurses) that my failure to make the study cut-off figure was just THAT-no more nor less and said nothing about my prognosis. So the rest of the week was spent happily playing music with my visiting saintly brother Michael (who will be with me as long as I need him)and friends Anne Lober and George Timson.
My poor S.F. surgeon Dr. Varma, is madly scurrying around trying to find operating room privileges in the Mt. Parnassus campus of UCSF since the Mt. Zion campus where she operates is fully booked to the end of Oct. We temporarily have an Oct. 2nd date that hopefully will be confirmed Sept. 25th. That's all for now! Stay tuned! Cheers, IR
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Of Beethoven's 9th, student "nachas" and Infusion Room Drama
Week of 9/8-16th
Sept 11th(yes, THAT date) picked up my brother at the Oakland airport and hot-footed it over to a dim sum restaurant in Oakland for lunch with my friend Karl Goldstein. Since we didn't get there till after 2, and they were clearly winding down and stopped circulating those cute little carts on wheels at 2:30-we did not really get to give Restaurant Peony a fair test, but we managed to get enough of a taste to know that it was good and certainly deserved a return visit at an earlier time. After the carts disappeared (as we looked on with horror) I never saw my brother so aggressive in flagging down the waitress to place orders for more food (duck and bok choy), so please don't think we left hungry.
That evening we attended the Berkeley Rep's performance of the new Itamar Moses play"Yellow Jackets". As you'll remember from an earlier blog entry, Itamar is a former piano student of mine whose's making quite a name for himself in the theater world with new plays opening in San Diego, Chicago, N.Y.C. as well as this new Berkeley offering. Though not quite as polished and brilliant as "Bach in Liepzig," (in my opinion), "Yellow Jackets" was still engaging, emotional as well as funny and worthy of seeing. As Itamar (and some of the critics)say: it's need's some pruning and focussing but nonetheless incisively dissects those akward coming of age high-school years at a school filled with racial and class conflicts. Of course, it gives me great "nachas" to view Itamar's success and I look forward to more success and "nachas."
Oh yes, we were up in the Bay area because I had an ultra -sound exam at UCSF with my surgeon on Fri. morning. The exam showed that the tumor had shrunk approximately 25% after chemoradiation and that the previous lymph node involvement that was noted previously was no longer evident to Dr. Varma. Being Ivan, I had hoped for the even better news, i.e., that the tumor was totally gone and that they had actually made a great error in the first test because they now could see that the tumor was really a half-digested hamentasch that somehow had lodged itself in my behind-- but that was not to be! After getting over my disappointment, I certainly understood that 25% was not so bad - the tumor could have increased or there could have been no reduction in size,so I ended up somewhat pleased with the results and was told that I could continue with the study with surgery slated for late Oct.
So off to Davies Hall, for Michael's and my first live performance of Beethoven's 9th - and what a performance it was-- Michael Tilson Thomas making Lenny-like mvts on the podium and eliciting incisive rhythmic thrusts and exquisite solo playing from the orchestra. Though I alway knew intellectually what an important and revolutionary work it was, this live performance confirmed it for me in a very visceral and moving way.
Tues, the 16th, we arrived at the oncologists for the beginning of the first of two FOLFOX chemo treatments that was mandated by the study before surgery. I was all hooked up, waiting for the blood work reports to come back and being given pre-chemo anti-nausea drug, when Dr Wu(my oncologist) and his nurse came rushing into the room saying"Stop the infusion" My first thought was "YES!" that I had been right all along- I did not have cancer at all-the hamentachen thesis was indeed correct and that finally someone had taken the time to uncover this awful hoax- but wrong again! The new research asst. up at UCSF had mis calculated the percentage of shrinkage and thought it was 30% which was the required minimum for continuing with the study-consequently my 25% shrinkage rendered me no longer eligible for the study.Thanks to a last-minute save by the previous research asst(who has been my guardian angel)who caught the error and frantically called the S.C. Infusion Room from San Diego(where she now works) I had not yet started the heavy-duty chemo mandated by the study. A bit jarring at first, but actually neither good or bad news- just that I was no longer within the parameter of the study. I now will be having the surgery within the next 2-3 weeks at the latest, and then will have post-surgery recovery and chemo. This turn of events will cut down on the total recovery time so that i am able to get back to my old routine sooner. I like that! Cheers, IR
Sept 11th(yes, THAT date) picked up my brother at the Oakland airport and hot-footed it over to a dim sum restaurant in Oakland for lunch with my friend Karl Goldstein. Since we didn't get there till after 2, and they were clearly winding down and stopped circulating those cute little carts on wheels at 2:30-we did not really get to give Restaurant Peony a fair test, but we managed to get enough of a taste to know that it was good and certainly deserved a return visit at an earlier time. After the carts disappeared (as we looked on with horror) I never saw my brother so aggressive in flagging down the waitress to place orders for more food (duck and bok choy), so please don't think we left hungry.
That evening we attended the Berkeley Rep's performance of the new Itamar Moses play"Yellow Jackets". As you'll remember from an earlier blog entry, Itamar is a former piano student of mine whose's making quite a name for himself in the theater world with new plays opening in San Diego, Chicago, N.Y.C. as well as this new Berkeley offering. Though not quite as polished and brilliant as "Bach in Liepzig," (in my opinion), "Yellow Jackets" was still engaging, emotional as well as funny and worthy of seeing. As Itamar (and some of the critics)say: it's need's some pruning and focussing but nonetheless incisively dissects those akward coming of age high-school years at a school filled with racial and class conflicts. Of course, it gives me great "nachas" to view Itamar's success and I look forward to more success and "nachas."
Oh yes, we were up in the Bay area because I had an ultra -sound exam at UCSF with my surgeon on Fri. morning. The exam showed that the tumor had shrunk approximately 25% after chemoradiation and that the previous lymph node involvement that was noted previously was no longer evident to Dr. Varma. Being Ivan, I had hoped for the even better news, i.e., that the tumor was totally gone and that they had actually made a great error in the first test because they now could see that the tumor was really a half-digested hamentasch that somehow had lodged itself in my behind-- but that was not to be! After getting over my disappointment, I certainly understood that 25% was not so bad - the tumor could have increased or there could have been no reduction in size,so I ended up somewhat pleased with the results and was told that I could continue with the study with surgery slated for late Oct.
So off to Davies Hall, for Michael's and my first live performance of Beethoven's 9th - and what a performance it was-- Michael Tilson Thomas making Lenny-like mvts on the podium and eliciting incisive rhythmic thrusts and exquisite solo playing from the orchestra. Though I alway knew intellectually what an important and revolutionary work it was, this live performance confirmed it for me in a very visceral and moving way.
Tues, the 16th, we arrived at the oncologists for the beginning of the first of two FOLFOX chemo treatments that was mandated by the study before surgery. I was all hooked up, waiting for the blood work reports to come back and being given pre-chemo anti-nausea drug, when Dr Wu(my oncologist) and his nurse came rushing into the room saying"Stop the infusion" My first thought was "YES!" that I had been right all along- I did not have cancer at all-the hamentachen thesis was indeed correct and that finally someone had taken the time to uncover this awful hoax- but wrong again! The new research asst. up at UCSF had mis calculated the percentage of shrinkage and thought it was 30% which was the required minimum for continuing with the study-consequently my 25% shrinkage rendered me no longer eligible for the study.Thanks to a last-minute save by the previous research asst(who has been my guardian angel)who caught the error and frantically called the S.C. Infusion Room from San Diego(where she now works) I had not yet started the heavy-duty chemo mandated by the study. A bit jarring at first, but actually neither good or bad news- just that I was no longer within the parameter of the study. I now will be having the surgery within the next 2-3 weeks at the latest, and then will have post-surgery recovery and chemo. This turn of events will cut down on the total recovery time so that i am able to get back to my old routine sooner. I like that! Cheers, IR
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Of Galavanting and Inanity!
Week of Sept.1-7th- Late again-still "galavanting" around having a good time- this is no way for a "sick man" to act, I know ,but I don't care. So since I only have frivolous stuff to report(3 movies 3 days in a row- all excellent-Elegy, Frozen River and Transiberian Express) because I'm feeling so well and energetic, I thought I'd go back to the weeks that I was doing radiation and share with you
Inanities from the Radiation Slab-
While lying there being zapped and trying to remain motionless, I developped a radiation mantra routine. All the New Age Cancer books suggested that you "visualize" the tumor being destroyed and engulfed by the healthy cells-so I did as I sung(to myself to the tune of "Dayenu")- "Die Die Cancer-Die Die Cancer." Just in case the tumor was Jewish(God forbid!) I hoped it might appreciate a little "landsman " humor. "Farvos nit!" Cheers, IR
Inanities from the Radiation Slab-
While lying there being zapped and trying to remain motionless, I developped a radiation mantra routine. All the New Age Cancer books suggested that you "visualize" the tumor being destroyed and engulfed by the healthy cells-so I did as I sung(to myself to the tune of "Dayenu")- "Die Die Cancer-Die Die Cancer." Just in case the tumor was Jewish(God forbid!) I hoped it might appreciate a little "landsman " humor. "Farvos nit!" Cheers, IR
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)